Most people don’t talk publicly about doubt, but I believe it’s common on a big project or adventure. (And, for some of us with busy minds, it’s a constant companion.) Doubt, like embarrassment or shame, is a natural emotion that is lessened by sharing. So, I’m sharing.
I have doubts right now about this building project even though it’s going quite well. My doubt has to do with my goals and priorities and, to a lesser degree, the amount of energy this process requires. At various stages, I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. I’m guessing that’s common.
When we share our lives on the web, we sometimes give the impression that one life is more rich or satisfying than another. This post is a reminder that such comparisons are unrealistic. My life in indeed rich but also challenging. I embarked on this particular adventure to test my ability to put a vision into physical form. (My past visions have been more amorphous and, I’m happy to say, mostly fulfilled.) This one is so different. For one thing, it’s a leap into the unknown in terms of my comfort zone. For another, I’m partnering with someone who is very different from me. It’s my “big vision” and funds, but his skills (and vision too), so negotiation is necessary at all steps. We have some experience doing adventures together. But The Great Loop boat trip was all about his vision and priorities, even though we shared the costs. (I was more supporter than partner, which was a challenge for me, being an independent spirit and accustomed to being “in charge” myself. Which made it an adventure in self-awareness! 😉 ) This building project is more of an equal partnership. It’s our project, not “mine.” It would not happen without both of us, whereas Jeff could have done the boat trip without me. So, our negotiation continues as my inner growth continues. But that’s life, isn’t it? A constant negotiation with others? Because our brief lives are meant to be shared even when doing so feels difficult. And rewards do come, amongst the doubts. Photos and captions follow….
My first day back at Huron Bay in the far-north, after a month in Virginia, was breezy and warm.
The full moon rises over the Cabin (house?) at Many Moons, its shape fully visible now.
Autumn is arriving here on the 47th parallel, as our waterfront maple attests. The house looks closer to the water than it is, when viewed from the rowboat. (It’s 75 feet back, as required.)
Speaking of doubt. The concrete floor and patio have caused me some of that. Neither looks as I hoped, weeks after their completion — at least not yet. The patio is still more pink than brown, even after pressure-washing, as you can see here. But, wait!
There it is, the color I was looking for! We were told that when we add the sealant, the color would darken. Sure enough. This is the entrance to the front door, which we sealed yesterday as a test. Much better! I would prefer more matte and less shiny, but the color is right. Patio next! I’ll have to be patient to see if the appearance of the concrete floor evolves also. Maybe it just needs a good washing or another round of polishing. Patience…!?
The road to camp is starting to look like fall. Notice the rock “Many Moons” sign on lower left, sitting on a stump? It’s years old now and holding up well. That acrylic paint works! We added the “private road” sign a few years ago to discourage explorers. (Yes, it really is private.)
Clouds parted last night just enough to watch the Harvest Moon rise over the bay.
My 2nd day back up north, I made a trek to my hometown cemetery where my Mom’s parents are buried. (Family links is one reason I’m building here.) “Simontaival” was their Finnish name when my grandparents immigrated, which was changed to Simonson later on. My Mom was legally authorized to use either one, which is interesting.
My brother Carl, who left my mother’s womb ten years before me, is buried in the same cemetery. I remember visiting his grave as a child but his marker is long-gone. I painted a simple stone and placed it in the infant’s section where he was buried. Family matters…and stillborn children are part of my family’s history, like so many others of that generation.
Mary, thank you for your heartfelt sharing. I too often live in doubt but didn’t fully realize it until reading your story.
If I may share some of my experience with you about building a house. We’re about to embark on building our third house. No matter how much you plan it will never be perfect. Things you obsessed over during the build won’t matter so matter so much once you move in. From the photos I can see that you’ve captured the best, the water, the moon, and closeness to your roots.
I cheer you on for this great adventure. What an amazing life you have.
🙏Molly
I agree with Molly. Once you are able to use it you will be fine.
We closed our camp on Huron Bay last week. I am always sad to say good bye till June. Huron Bay is a special place and you will never regret building there.
Thanks. I have been living up here in both winter and summer, mostly in a camper, since buying the lot almost six years ago. Yes, I love it here, which is why i finally decided to build. ( I generally prefer to rough it, but as we get older, that doesn’t work as well. 😉 ) I spent some time here as a child also since I grew up 40 miles from here, and my dad helped clear some nearby land. The issues are a little more complicated than that and not worth getting into here. Thanks for your encouragement!
For Many Moons 
Mary, thank you for your heartfelt sharing. I too often live in doubt but didn’t fully realize it until reading your story.
If I may share some of my experience with you about building a house. We’re about to embark on building our third house. No matter how much you plan it will never be perfect. Things you obsessed over during the build won’t matter so matter so much once you move in. From the photos I can see that you’ve captured the best, the water, the moon, and closeness to your roots.
I cheer you on for this great adventure. What an amazing life you have.
🙏Molly
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I agree with Molly. Once you are able to use it you will be fine.
We closed our camp on Huron Bay last week. I am always sad to say good bye till June. Huron Bay is a special place and you will never regret building there.
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Thanks. I have been living up here in both winter and summer, mostly in a camper, since buying the lot almost six years ago. Yes, I love it here, which is why i finally decided to build. ( I generally prefer to rough it, but as we get older, that doesn’t work as well. 😉 ) I spent some time here as a child also since I grew up 40 miles from here, and my dad helped clear some nearby land. The issues are a little more complicated than that and not worth getting into here. Thanks for your encouragement!
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I like your style of writing and am drawn into your thoughts through your words. Thank-you.
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